This is the World Cup of the Cult Hero, where Dan Burn can be as famous as Messi

Being a fan is an act of faith. Saying out loud you care about something – something over which you have absolutely no control – is revealing. The reward is belonging, not winning, as any fan of a team knows.

Whatever happens to England on Saturday, it will hurt. Because even if we end up with the wonder of Monday morning, one of the greatest moments of my football-watching life, the bliss is only possible because we also suffered through 54 minutes, the two Mexico goals and the 11 minutes of stoppage time.

This pure tension, added to the controversies and missteps and plain wrongs of this World Cup, all contribute to the feeling, common to England fans, of being out of control. And this I think is why this tournament is the World Cup of the Cult Hero.

The greatest Cult Hero of 2026 is indisputably Vozinha, a Cape Verdean goalkeeper so old as to be nearly dead (lol, he’s 40) who shut out Spain and Uruguay and then so nearly beat Argentina in the round of 32. Ecuador manager Sebastian Beccacece won hearts and minds with his Pat Cash-esque flight to the stands to celebrate his side’s outmanoeuvring of Germany and progress to the knockout stages.

You’d think ‘bigger’ sides would be less likely to contribute Cult Heroes. Because one of the key factors in cult heroism is that such men are not mainstream faces, so you’d imagine the fame of playing for England might discount you from the honour.

Tell that to Dan Burn. It took him just 26 minutes against Mexico to reach Cult Hero Valhalla. The only man who could look nonchalant while sticking his head on a Raul Jimenez bicycle kick said afterwards: ‘I’ve been desperate to get on the pitch.

‘I’m very proud to have played for England at a World Cup. I never thought I’d be saying that.’

That is the crux of it: he seems so normal. This is an elite athlete living his dream in front of our eyes. Newcastle fans have long known what Burn is but it only took the 6ft 7in Blyth man 30 minutes of bonce on ball to cement his position in the collective consciousness. Since World Cups are for people who watch one or two football matches a year as well as the committed fan, to them Dan Burn is currently as famous as Lionel Messi. And that’s a glorious thing.

The reason we need these guys is because they exist outside the natural order of things. Jude Bellingham is one of the best players in the world, he has both the skills and aesthetic of the hero – his 98 seconds of goals against Mexico were a glorious hallucination. But he’ll never be a cult hero, because he exists outside of human understanding. He is not like us. Dan Burn on the other hand.

Cult heroes allow us to suspend disbelief, imagine what it might be like and relate to the player as though they’re a cousin, or perhaps Susan down the road’s youngest. They inspire affection because we know them. Which brings us to Saturday night, about which I am, obviously, terrified. Three games away.

Norway may be a good side but they are not a ‘Big Side’. Yet they field one of the best players in the world. Erling Braut Haaland is perhaps the purest goalscoring force the world has ever seen. I’m not saying that he is better than Harry Kane, don’t worry, but his only concern is goals in a way that feels unprecedented.

On arrival in the Premier League Haaland said his dream was to touch the ball five times in a game and score five times.

Someone that successful has no right to be a cult hero but he is. Seeing him strike the Norwegian drum like a kid after beating Brazil in the last 16 clarified it for me. His goofy aesthetic, awkward celebrations and general sense of wonder at every goal means (usually) when I see him score I can’t help smiling.

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