Book Review: Vivian Okoye Unlocks The “Drama” In Womanhood
The tendency to withdraw into the cocoon of loneliness, to retreat from the world when pain and hurt strike, has been the natural inclination of many women.
Rather than confront these ‘demons’ and find release from their ‘captivity’, these women willingly succumb to pull of despair, shielding themselves from the world around them.
Vivian Okoye, is extending a lifeline. She is providing a vehicle to drive the ritual of release of pent-up emotions. She says that years of sitting with women, growing as a student in an all-girls school, despite the mentoring, the listening and laughing, many girls and grown women were “bleeding in the dark”.
“God has given me a push to expose the wound so it can heal, Okoye says. That push has come in the form of a literary offering where she sets forth her prescription for overcoming. ‘Unlocking the Drama in Womanhood’, is a book that is at once a tale of a personal journey to awakening, and a therapy for women across the world with shared experience.
“I know what it’s like to be mocked and hurt by people I trusted. I’ve been through hurt and betrayal. Those painful experiences taught me valuable lessons that I’m now sharing with others. I used those experiences to help others – my scars became my syllabus”.
“This is for teenage girls, for women who feel left out or hurt, and men who care about women. The book is for anyone who has ever felt less than others. I want women to finish reading this and feel empowered to be positive and uplifting, not hurtful. I want women to feel confident and be a source of healing and kindness”, she says.
She avers that the drama to be unlocked is “when gossip, rivalry and hurt feelings ruin friendships that could be loving and supportive. She says that to ‘dismantle’ that drama and bury the narrative that says women must pull other women down to rise and replace it with one that argues that ‘when one woman shines, we all see better’, is one of the central themes of the book.
Putting directly, she says:
“Identity crisis, comparison, past pain, the Queen-Bee syndrome and the silent fear that another woman’s success diminishes mine, are critical areas of concern for me. We need to break out of the mould and shatter the glass ceiling limiting women. Rather destructive contests for relevance or supremacy, healthy competition and cooperation will advance the lot of women”.
She adds that this attitudinal change is imperative given the influence of culture in determining the place and role of women in the society.
“Our culture has given us beautiful traditions and restrictive rules. Let’s keep the good parts and get rid of the things that hold us back”, she says.
A key point of departure for the new paradigm, Okoye says is the idea of identity and self-worth. Waxing spiritual, she points women to Genesis 1:27, which explores the team of the women created in the image of God.
“By pointing women first to Genesis 1:27—beloved image-bearers—before any mirror or social-media filter. Instead of looking at social media or mirrors, women should remember that they are loved and made in God’s image. They are valued because they are made in God’s image, not just by how they look”, she declares.
Knowing her place in God is only a first step. Immersion in the scripture and consistency in prayer are also critical elements in the journey to self-discovery.
“Every chapter is soaked in prayer prompts and Scripture because only the Spirit can perform heart transplants (Ezekiel 36:26). When you go through each chapter you find reasons to pray with insights from scripture, knowing fully well that only the spirit of God can do heart related surgeries”, she says.
After self-discovery, healing naturally follows, she adds. Healing, she says, is pivotal in the journey to transformation:
“Healing is the master-key. Without it, we polish the outside of a cracked vase. Healing fixes the root problem if we ignore it our efforts are just temporary- without healing we’re just hiding our brokenness”, Okoye offers.
From a place of experience
Unlocking the Drama in Womanhood is not a fictional narrative or mythical embellishment of the unreal. It is a presentation from the wellspring of personal experience. Okoye, the author, has been through the crucible of experience.
“When I chose to forgive instead of gossip, I changed my own story and decided to share that positive change with others. I forgave instead of gossiping, and it changed my life. Now I want to share that with others”, she said.
She says writing the book revealed a lot about her own inadequacies and was thus in a sense, therapeutic:
“How quickly my own pen exposed my lingering envy. Writing became an X-ray. When I wrote down my thoughts, I saw my own weaknesses. Writing showed what was really going on inside of me”, she said.
It was an emotionally challenging and draining task particularly when writing about mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law because according to her many needed to apologize to each other.
She is hopeful that this will happen as the journey through the pages of the book.
“I’m writing a new book to help with ongoing issues. But already, women are healing and finding help. That’s what matters to me”, she said.
Book Review: Vivian Okoye Unlocks The “Drama” In Womanhood is first published on The Whistler Newspaper
